My dearest Amelia—
I don’t post letters here as often as I would…. Because it seems, no matter how carefully I choose my words… to try to say things the right way…. Someone always twists them into something ugly, and uses them to paint another lie about me.
I actually don’t know at all, what you know, or hear, or believe about me…. It’s been so long…. Do you ever even read these for yourself. Are you allowed?
It’s September now, and you should be starting your senior year of high school. I missed it all. Your mother managed to cheat me out of ever getting to be the Dad I wanted to be for you. I never got to see a school play, a choir concert, an awards ceremony…. To cheer for your schools football team…. To read your report card… to help you with your homework…. To embarrass you in front of your friends with my awesome “dad jokes”…
Why? I wonder….. Selfishness! That’s the only thing I can come up with. A selfishness so extreme, I never knew anyone could actually be that way.
To punish you and to punish me, because she didn’t want to share. Not just your mother,… your grandmother too….your grandmother Judy refused to share you with your Lita. (Unless your Lita was willing to betray me.). Bribery! Coercion! Its disgusting!
So hurtful…. I just don’t understand it.
And now this…. Amelia, I hate….hate…. HATE! That you’re not in school, enjoying your senior year of high school. It makes me sick to know you probably blame me for this awful situation.
Amelia… your mother did this to you! She was ordered by the Court, not to move you from Staten Island! You were supposed to go to Wagner! Your mother defied the Court orders, eliminated me from your life,…and outright dared the judge to do something about it.
The court awarded me custody— not because they like dads— they’ve favored your mother all along— but the Court knew that I would be reasonable and fair, and follow orders….. and your mother would not.
So, the Court granted me custody and ordered me to bring you back to NYC.
I had to remove you from that school, Amelia! I had no choice! I was ordered to, by the Court…. And… Also, Amelia… I truly believe that you are being psychologically abused and mistreated by your mother and grandmother—- WHAT ELSE COULD I BELIEVE?!!
I thought it would be hard for you to change schools and leave friends, but I know you still have friends here— that would welcome you back…. I hoped you would fit in quickly and have a lot of fun…. And great experiences….
I would have allowed you to keep in touch with everyone you care about. Here…. There….everyone! I’m not selfish and I know you don’t deserve this unfair situation.
Amelia…. I wanted the chance to make things better for you…. To give you back the family that was taken away from you…. And all the memories you’ve been told to forget…..
You’re seventeen now, Amelia—. I don’t have to limit what I can tell you…. Ask me anything! I’ll tell you. Or tell me anything…. I’ll listen.
I want a chance Amelia. I want to try to work something out WITH YOU— JUST YOU…. Because the Court awarded me custody”sole custody” Amelia, that means I can decide what is best for you— I don’t have to negotiate with your selfish mother or grandmother. That’s right, I’m not avoiding calling them selfish— they’ve proven that beyond any question— and after the horrific lies they tell everyone about me…and you….. “selfish” is the least of what I should call them.
Amelia, I know you’re angry. SO AM I!!! But not at you….. NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. No matter what they got you to say or do—. I know the truth. You only wanted to feel safe…. And you felt you had to go along with your mother’s scheme in order to feel safe.
But it wasn’t true…. And now you feel trapped! Am I right?
Amelia, talk to me. Call me…. Write me. Call your attorney— the new one— she’s a good lawyer and a good person. She can give you my phone number or email if you’ve forgotten them. Or comment on this blog, and I will make sure we can connect.
Amelia let’s talk about what options we have.
I never wanted you to lose out, or be deprived of anything… certainly not the love and support of family and friends…. Certainly not a wonderful high school experience!
You should not have to choose. You deserve it all!
And by the way, Amelia…. It isn’t even your mother or grandmother I’m most angry with…. It’s the Court! Both New York and Massachusetts. They knew the truth all along, and they did nothing to prevent the situation you’ve been put through— nothing to keep you safe— NOTHING!,,
Because they didn’t want to admit they were wrong….
I don’t want the courts to decide anything else about you and me. I want us to decide together what is in your “best interest” but I need to talk with you.
Let’s work something out. Just you and me.
One more thing, Amelia. Maybe it’s time that you start understanding this nightmare that happened to you “on your own” A.I. can be a very useful guide— if you ask it the right questions. Try asking it questions about what you’ve experienced, and see if it helps you understand without “being told” by someone who you’re not sure you can trust. A.I. has nothing to gain from misleading you… here’s a prompt to get you started…. “What is coercive control in a parent/child relationship?” Understanding things is a great way to begin to heal.
I love you with all my heart, kiddo.
Yours…always… Dad.
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