You’re always on my mind…

 My dearest Amelia—

I don’t post letters here as often as I would…. Because it seems, no matter how carefully I choose my words… to try to say things the right way…. Someone always twists them into something ugly, and uses them to paint another lie about me.

I actually don’t know at all, what you know, or hear, or believe about me…. It’s been so long….  Do you ever even read these for yourself.    Are you allowed?

It’s September now, and you should be starting your senior year of high school.   I missed it all.   Your mother managed to cheat me out of ever getting to be the Dad I wanted to be for you.   I never got to see a school play, a choir concert, an awards ceremony…. To cheer for your schools football team….   To read your report card… to help you with your homework…. To embarrass you in front of your friends with my awesome “dad jokes”…

Why?   I wonder…..   Selfishness!   That’s the only thing I can come up with.    A selfishness so extreme, I never knew anyone could actually be that way.

To punish you and to punish me, because she didn’t want to share.   Not just your mother,… your grandmother too….your grandmother Judy refused to share you with your Lita.  (Unless your Lita was willing to betray me.).  Bribery!   Coercion!  Its disgusting!

So hurtful….  I just don’t understand it.

And now this….   Amelia, I hate….hate…. HATE! That you’re not in school, enjoying your senior year of high school.   It makes me sick to know you probably blame me for this awful situation.

Amelia… your mother did this to you!   She was ordered by the Court, not to move you from Staten Island!   You were supposed to go to Wagner!   Your mother defied the Court orders, eliminated me from your life,…and outright dared the judge to do something about it.    

The court awarded me custody— not because they like dads— they’ve favored your mother all along— but the Court knew that I would be reasonable and fair, and follow orders….. and your mother would not.

So, the Court granted me custody and ordered me to bring you back to NYC.

I had to remove you from that school, Amelia!   I had no choice!   I was ordered to, by the Court…. And… Also, Amelia… I truly believe that you are being psychologically abused and mistreated by your mother and grandmother—- WHAT ELSE COULD I BELIEVE?!!

I thought it would be hard for you to change schools and leave friends, but I know you still have friends here— that would welcome you back….  I hoped you would fit in quickly and have a lot of fun…. And great experiences….

I would have allowed you to keep in touch with everyone you care about.  Here…. There….everyone!  I’m not selfish and I know you don’t deserve this unfair situation.

Amelia…. I wanted the chance to make things better for you…. To give you back the family that was taken away from you…. And all the memories you’ve been told to forget…..

You’re seventeen now, Amelia—. I don’t have to limit what I can tell you…. Ask me anything!    I’ll tell you.   Or tell me anything…. I’ll listen.

I want a chance Amelia.  I want to try to work something out WITH YOU— JUST YOU…. Because the Court awarded me custody”sole custody” Amelia, that means I can decide what is best for you— I don’t have to negotiate with your selfish mother or grandmother.  That’s right, I’m not avoiding calling them selfish— they’ve proven that beyond any question— and after the horrific lies they tell everyone about me…and you….. “selfish” is the least of what I should call them.

Amelia, I know you’re angry.     SO AM I!!!     But not at you…..   NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.   No matter what they got you to say or do—. I know the truth.    You only wanted to feel safe….  And you felt you had to go along with your mother’s scheme in order to feel safe.

But it wasn’t true….  And now you feel trapped!    Am I right?

Amelia, talk to me.   Call me….  Write me.    Call your attorney— the new one— she’s a good lawyer and a good person.   She can give you my phone number or email if you’ve forgotten them.    Or comment on this blog, and I will make sure we can connect.

Amelia let’s talk about what options we have.

I never wanted you to lose out, or be deprived of anything… certainly not the love and support of family and friends…. Certainly not a wonderful high school experience!

You should not have to choose.   You deserve it all!

And by the way, Amelia…. It isn’t even your mother or grandmother I’m most angry with…. It’s the Court!  Both New York and Massachusetts.   They knew the truth all along, and they did nothing to prevent the situation you’ve been put through— nothing to keep you safe— NOTHING!,,   

Because they didn’t want to admit they were wrong….

I don’t want the courts to decide anything else about you and me.   I want us to decide together what is in your “best interest”  but I need to talk with you.

Let’s work something out.   Just you and me.

One more thing, Amelia.   Maybe it’s time that you start understanding this nightmare that happened to you “on your own”    A.I. can be a very useful guide— if you ask it the right questions.     Try asking it questions about what you’ve experienced, and see if it helps you understand without “being told” by someone who you’re not sure you can trust.   A.I. has nothing to gain from misleading you…  here’s a prompt to get you started…. “What is coercive control in a parent/child relationship?”    Understanding things is a great way to begin to heal.

I love you with all my heart, kiddo.

Yours…always… Dad.

Happy Birthday, Amelia.

 

My dearest one, Amelia,

It isn’t too late.

It isn’t impossible.

Please remember who you truly are.

Please remember me.

I am always wanting and waiting to be your Dad.

I love you like no one else.

I am yours and you are mine— Family!

Happy Birthday my Daughter.

Happy Birthday, my Amelia.

-D

Father’s Day 2026

 Well…. Here we are.  Another Father’s day without you.

I remember you when you were not forbidden to love me…. And you did.   I know you loved me and felt safe with me.  Don’t you miss that feeling… that knowing…?

It’s been years since you were allowed to love me… talk to me.. about me…. Remember me….    But I think, somehow, you still do.

So many things I want to give you Amelia….  But mostly, I want to give you your family back.   I want you to know that I… we… never believed for one second that any of this is your choice.

So many lies.    But the biggest and the worst was when they convinced you that this is an impossible situation and you had to choose….  Choose between your parents… choose between your homes.

It’s not true, Amelia.  You are allowed to love and have a relationship with your entire family… and friends.  Always!

You don’t have to pretend to hate… for anyone!   Please find a way to contact me.   Even one conversation can make things so much better.

Remember Amelia.    Remember who I am.   Our home.. yours and mine was always your safe place.   Come home.

This is my prayer.

Come home.

NOW IS THE TIME TO FIX THIS!!

 Amelia—. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!  I HOPE YOU FIND THIS AND READ THIS!

I don’t know what you know or how long you’ve known it.   I don’t know what your mother, your grandmother Judy, or your aunt Melanie have been telling you, but on January 5th, the Judge did you an incredible justice.   She gave you an opportunity to be heard by the court, but more importantly….  She brought you into the court to see and to hear what was being said, and said about you.

Amelia, I know that was hard and very scary for you.  But that was done out of respect for you.  This Judge respected that letting you be involved in these huge decisions about your life is LONG OVER DUE!

I want you to be heard by the Court, Amelia, but you must understand that with the right to be heard, comes the responsibility of ACCOUNTABILITY .  That means, that when you speak in court, you are accountable to the full authority of the LAW.   

Do you remember that before I or your mother spoke, we had to raise our right hand and promise to tell the “truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”  When we did that, we were making a “record” that we understand that the Judge… the Court…. Has the power to punish us if we intentionally lie or try to manipulate the judge in order to cheat or harm the other person or people involved.

Now think about this….   This time…. Your first time IN THE COURTROOM….  The Judge did not have you swear that oath, and did not let you speak for yourself.  OR ANSWER QUESTIONS.  Why not?   I believe the judge wanted to shield you THIS TIME from the responsibility of telling the truth.   

Amelia, you are 16 now, and while the law still considers you a minor, it also recognizes that you are old enough to know what telling the truth means, and the damages you can cause by lying.   

SOMEONE MUST BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR LIES TOLD IN COURT!

And that time has finally arrived.

There are consequences for conduct and behavior that harms another person and there are consequences for trying to use the Court to do that.   

RIGHT NOW, the Court has decided that it is safest and “in your best interest” for you to come back to Staten Island and to live with me.   Not because it’s fair….  And Not because it punishes your mother for  her conduct …. (That may be coming, but that isn't what has already been decided)  What has been decided, is that your future is being harmed by the situation you have been experiencing— as you heard, when the judge read the Court’s conclusion to us and for the record— and that your “best interest” right now, is to live with your Dad.

Like it or not.   You, Your Mother, and I….MUST FOLLOW THE ORDERS OF THE COURT OR WE WILL BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE AND THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES.

Did you see that I put you first?   YOU, Amelia….  SIXTEEN YEAR OLD AMELIA….  Are being recognized by the Court, finally….   But I need you to understand that with that recognition, comes the responsibility for your actions.

You are already experiencing that, and you don’t know it.

I am under the COURT ORDER that you must reside with me in NYC and attend school here.   To follow this order, I had to unenroll you from school in Massachusetts.  Amelia, you were never supposed to go to school in Massachusetts.   The Court said “no” to that.   I have to follow the court orders.   You must come home!

Because you are refusing to return with me….YOU ARE CHOOSING NOT TO ATTEND SCHOOL  And if you are trying to get around your Father’s COURT ORDERED AUTHORITY, to attend school in Massachusetts, you are willingly participating in fraud.  I am the only one who can legally enroll you into a school.

I want you to be aware of this, because YOU are responsible for your choices.   I am responsible for you, but YOU are responsible for your choices in what you do.  I am trying to enroll you in school, but you MUST BE HERE TO ATTEND.

Amelia, right now, you are being considered a “drop out.”    You are being considered as a young adult choosing not to attend school….  It’s “my job” as your parent to “make you go to school”    If your mother is “preventing “ you from going to school, that is something that she will be held accountable for, but if you are “choosing” not to go to school because you’re angry about the COURT ORDERS, then you will suffer the consequences for that decision.   Your grades, and your graduation may be delayed as a result.   Is that what you want?

You want to be heard Amelia?   I support that 100%.

BUT YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RESULTS OF YOUR CHOICES AND ACTIONS.

I’m talking about THE LAW here Amelia.   Whatever our feelings are,…. They matter, but not to the law…The LAW intentionally separates from feelings, because “feelings” are almost never “fair” to both sides of a dispute.   So the LAW follows rules that do not include feelings.   BELIEVE ME!!…  For Twelve years, the Court has ignored my feelings! … and I’ll leave it at that.   But I’ve still had to follow every Court order.

Courts don’t always get it right, but defying Court orders is NEVER A SAFE CHOICE.

CONTACT ME, AMELIA!   Come home, and we… You and I, can choose together ways to make things better for ALL of us.

I love you and I am so proud to be your Dad…. Always!

Happy Thanksgiving Amelia

 There’s a million things I want to say to you.  I just need a way to say anything….   And to hear your voice.

I am always… everyday… in every way…. So proud to be your dad.   I dream of being able to tell you

So…. I spent thanksgiving with the PAKNIS family.    They have a new home.   I was going to surprise you, but it’s been so long, the surprise should have been years ago.   Of course they are waiting to throw a party when you come home.

I made the turkey.  Andre said it was the greatest turkey of his life and that I am a genius and the best person to ever live on this planet and everyone should know of my greatness… and then he danced and sang a song with no real words….   So… as you’ll remember….  They’re pretty much the same as they were— wonderful friends.   You should look for Vita on instagram.  I know she wants to connect with you.

I saw your instagram page.  Uncle Lonnie found it.  I wanted to contact you, but I didn’t want anyone to cause problems for you over it.   You can find my instagram, but I really never posted anything there.   

But I’m planning to start using it.   I hope you’ll connect with me.

Amelia.   I want you to be free to be your true self.   You’ll never be happy or feel safe, living someone’s vicious lie.  How can I tell you this.  Years have been lost to us… years we could have shared and memories we could hold for all of our lives.   I know you don’t want to be a stranger to your Dad— that’s a lie… and its not your lie!     

Remember Amelia!!   Remember what you value, and fight for it.!

I know you know that… you’re so smart.   Don’t let fear cheat your life.

I will never quit fighting FOR YOU!!!

Always your dad.

Amelia Explains It All

 My Dearest Amelia,

Someday when you find these, you’ll see that it’s been over a year since I wrote to you.   That is not because you were out of my thoughts and prayers for even one second.   It is because powerful people who should have been protecting us— you…. And me, tried to use this blog to hurt me and force me to abandon you.

I only recently defeated that fraud, and the lies used to manufacture it.

So here I am again.   I was never gone.  I love you and miss you more each day.

I want to explain this to you, but perhaps, you already know.   Years ago, when they allowed us at least a little time to be family, I sensed that these cruel abuses were coming.  I wanted to prepare you for as much as I could… to understand…. And to know how to determine who is worthy of trust, and who… to not.

I asked once— you were about 8 yrs old— “Amelia, is ‘fire’ GREAT? or TERRIBLE??”

I’ll never forget your answer.  You showed such natural wisdom.  You squinched up your eyes and contemplated the question for a moment or two, and then you said….  “It can be both.   When fire is used for cooking or to warm your house… then it’s GREAT!, but if it burns your house down, or causes a forest fire…. That’s terrible.”

Delighted, I said, “You’re absolutely right, Amelia!  Fire is very powerful and always wants to get bigger and burn more and more.   But when fire’s power is contained and used to serve the needs of others, it’s greatness!   But….: when fire’s uses its power to only serve itself, it’s very dangerous and destructive and -terrible-   People… are also very powerful, and you’ll find as you go through life that some people use their power to serve others, and some use their power to serve only their own selfish interests- the more powerful those people become, the more out of control and dangerous they can be…

So we have to look closely at powerful people and who they use their power to serve., to decide if they are great or terrible.”

Amelia, you’re 16 now.  Some will tell you that you’re old enough to decide what’s best for you— so long as you go along with what’s best for them… and they get to control what you know, hear, and believe….  Those people are terrible!   They are NOT serving your best interest.  They are serving themselves, whether they are Politicians, Teachers, Doctors, Judges, MOTHERS!…. and even Fathers.

I don’t know if anyone is ever “old enough to know” just because of a birthday passing….  But I think everyone should agree that at 16, you’re old enough to hear the facts and learn the truth about… at least… your own life’s experiences, and old enough to start “deciding” for yourself— what you believe.

I think you were always “old enough” to be told the truth….

Amelia, when you want to know the facts about what was said in the courts, by your parents, by the lawyers, and by the Judges, ABOUT YOU…  and about your Dad….  I have been collecting and keeping the records for all these long years, as many as possible.  You don’t have to hear it from anyone else’s perspective.  You can read the reports and the transcripts of what everyone actually said…. And decide for yourself— who tried to serve your safety and best interest… and who was using you to serve themselves.

And who told the truth to you…. Or lied.

It’s a lot!   And it’s my story too, and I will not keep it a secret!   The world needs to know what was done to you and your childhood.  No child should ever have to go through what you have!  If I can stop this from happening— I will….  Maybe someday you’ll help me, help someone else.

Here’s something I know, Amelia.   Lies are used to control us.  Truth… sets us free.

As always, I HOPE you find this letter, and that you find the courage to contact me and come home.   You know… or maybe you don’t….   We, you and I, have NO LEGAL BARRIERS BETWEEN US! And never have.   I am your Dad, and you are my Daughter.   The only thing keeping us from being the family we are…. Is LIES!

My phone number, email, and address are the same.  You can contact me at any time.

We all love you Amelia.

Call me.

Love, 

Your Dad.

Remember this?